For You
by MonkeyPajamas
Summary: Jane thinks about Remi, but Kurt is there for her.


Author's Note: It's been a while. I'll be back to my other stories in a while, but I wanted to write this. I relate to Jane as she deals with Remi, and I wanted to flesh out this idea. I don't own anything.

* * *

'_I will give you all I could ever give, though it's less than you will need"_

_For You, Barenaked Ladies_

Kurt gently stirred, letting out a small groan in his sleep. Sleep had been anything but restful the past few nights. He was too worried about Jane to ever fully relax it seemed, even subconsciously. She'd been through so much recently, but seeing all the items from Shepherd had changed her. The demons she was fighting were more and more in her own mind, and Kurt felt powerless to stop them.

As if remembering, he reached out, still asleep, wanting to hold her close to him. When all he felt was air, he woke up, always alert when it came to Jane. He rubbed his eyes, trying to focus. "Jane?" he called out, his voice rough with sleep.

Kurt stood up, feeling his heart start to race. She was probably in the bathroom. Or getting a drink of water, he thought. But that did nothing to settle the fear that was rising.

"Jane?" he called again, a bit louder now as he left the bedroom. Their apartment was dark and silent, and panic was rising in his chest.

He almost didn't see her. She was on the couch, in near total darkness. "Jane?" he said again, his voice just barely over a whisper.

She didn't move, not even as he got closer.

It was then he heard it, the sharp intake of her breath, raspy and wavering. She looked up at him, as if seeing him for the first time, tears streaking down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" He sat down next to her, trying to pull her close and comfort her, but she felt stiff, resisting his touch.

"I…" she started. "I'm so sorry." The tears started to fall again, and Jane turned her head, unable to look Kurt in the eyes.

"Jane, please, what are you talking about?" Kurt pleaded, rubbing her back, trying to comfort her in any way he could.

"I… I almost _killed_ you. I _wanted_ to kill you." Jane curled up even tighter into herself, wrapping her arms around her knees. "There was so much… hate."

"Jane, that wasn't you. That was Remi."

"It was me, though. I remember it, that feeling. It makes me sick, Kurt. There are so many terrible things, so many killings, but that hatred…" her voice trails off. "It's everywhere I look. Reminders of what she did, how angry she was at the world."

Kurt felt at a loss for words, and the silence between them grew. "She's gone now Jane. She can't hurt you or anyone else again."

"But she's _not_ gone, Kurt," her voice was sharp, and Jane stood up, angry against this fate she couldn't control. "She's not. She's a part of me, and I did those things, whether I like it or not. Just because I got that poison out of my system doesn't erase it. I can't take it back. The things I said, the things I did." She looked at him pleadingly, her eyes wet with unshed tears.

Kurt let out a deep sigh, standing up, and pulling Jane into his arms. She had been through so much, more than any one person should, and it seemed each week brought forth a new demon. Shepherd was still manipulating Jane, long after she had died. Kurt wanted nothing more than to protect Jane, keep her safe, but he knew he couldn't do that. The least he could do was remind her that he was there for her.

Jane sniffled, momentarily relaxing in Kurt's arms. But just like that, a switch flipped, and she tensed up again. "No, Kurt," she said, pulling away again. "I…" She turned away, staring out the window, her back towards Kurt. It was too much. She couldn't do this to him.

Kurt stared at her for a moment, scared for what was happening to his wife. With tears in his own eyes, he stepped closer, grabbing her hand before she had a chance to run away. Pulling it towards his chest, he said "Jane, listen to me. I can't do this without you. You're my other half, my north star."

Jane's breath slowed, and she looked up at him, as if trying to convince herself to believe what he was saying. "But… how?" she asked, quietly.

"Jane, don't you know?" Kurt didn't bother to stop the tears from falling. "You've made me a better man. A better father, a better agent, a better friend. A better _person_. You've given me so much joy." He leaned over, kissing her forehead before tucking her into his arms. "Whatever Remi did or didn't do, it still brought us together."

Jane sniffled, trying to believe him. "But…"

"No Jane, no buts. I can't imagine my life without you. I know it's hard, but I need you, okay? I'm not going to let you go."

"Really? You forgive me? Even after -?" Jane asked, her voice just above a whisper.

"Really. I love you Jane. And I'm not going to let you fight this alone, no matter how it ends."

* * *

It's hard fighting demons inside your own head.


End file.
